Bravely, I speak. Your textbook smear campaign will ensue to protect your secrets, boost
your public image and mend your fragile ego. I will never be ready for your narcissist tactics to further devalue me to anyone willing to listen, though bravely I am here to share my story. They may ask you a simple question and you will use it as an opportunity to get your lies out. You will twist every story about me with the label of crazy and unstable. They may fall for your victimization. All of your exes have done you wrong. Every partner cheated on you. You will throw dirt on us to cover your path of destruction. You will defer any responsibility in every relationship. What they don’t know is your abusive behavior and paranoia drove us all to the brink
of insanity. We now have a sisterhood of shared traumas during our time with you. Your behavior and affairs were projected onto us as our fault. You tried to silence us. Accuse us of your shortcomings. We are educated, smart, successful, kind, and loving partners. We came ready to help you, packed with compassion and love, we believed in you and you fed off our confidence. We all see the fearful and insecure person behind your mask. It does not excuse your sabotage, character assassination, and abusive behavior. It does not excuse your words, your actions, your gaslighting, and your manipulative tactics. Our scars are emotional. Mentally, we had to overcome your harsh words and accusations. We are no longer the keeper of your secrets. My voice is needed to release our collective shame. My words are with intention. My message is clear. The way you treated us is abusive. We will heal because you will no longer have access to our hearts and our collective strength and love will always prevail.
An Unlikely Sisterhood.
It wasn't just me. I was so nervous to reach out to his past girlfriends and wife. However, once I found narcissist resources, and put it all together, I needed to confirm my theory. At 50 years old, he didn't just turn this way, he had been this way all along. The victim mentality he held and that I called him on so often was finally making sense. It was a narcissist tactic to gain empathy from the empath.
I did some research and first found Jen. I was so nervous about rejection or finding out my theory was incorrect. However, I found the exact opposite. I found kindness, validation, and instant connection. She openly shared her story. I shared with her what I knew about him. The similarities in the emotional and verbal abuse kept us talking for 2 hours. Her nervous system was ablaze from the trauma experienced. We shared the same accusations, the same projections, and the same cameras and listening devices. Down to the line, "I'm going to send these audio files to a forensic detective in Georgia to prove you had an affair". He was on repeat. Destroying relationships and assassinating characters with devaluing words. In his stories to me, he was a victim in this relationship.
Then I found Jodi. Another ex-girlfriend. I reached out via text to see if she was willing to share her experiences. She immediately responded with "The first thing you need to remember is that you are a badass independent woman". I knew from that response she knew. She shared similar experiences in accusations of cheating, control tactics and him working quickly to merge finances and life. She broke it off with him after 6 months because his control was a red flag.
Next was Nikki, his ex-wife, and mother of his 2 children. That created the most fear for me. Doug pitted us against each other the entire marriage. Throwing me under the bus to Nikki for when he needed to make himself look good. Manipulating both of us to think the other was a terrible person. Twisting every story with a label of unstable, emotional, and crazy. Often times in the chaos he created in our relationship, I told him, if anyone were married to him for as long as Nikki, they would be crazy, too. I shared my compassion and my apologies to her for falling for his smear campaign. Similar control tactics stories shared, in-house cameras, affairs, projections, and accusations. Character assassination and emotional abuse.
He will tell you he was a victim in every relationship. He repeatedly shared smear campaigns against each partner. Sharing his lies so often, he believed them to be true. In the weeks before I left, I often said he was running out of rope to call everyone crazy. At some point, someone may realize the common denominator in all of the crazy ex relationships, is him. This is a telltale sign of a covert narcissist. They need their supply to show empathy to him, so they can mirror it back. Otherwise, the narcissist will have none to offer. This mirroring of emotions, dreams, and love is what hooks the empath into the relationship.
Comments