Post narcissistic abuse, there are 3 things I know to be certain. Death. Taxes. And the narc will always keep on narc'ing.
For 2 weeks after I left, I went no contact even before I knew what no contact meant in the narc world. I only knew I needed time to sort out what just happened. I couldn’t make logical sense of any of it. During that no contact period, the narc tried to hoover me back in with phone calls. I asked his brother to ask him to stop calling me at midnight. His brother replied, “He said he wanted to discuss keys and so he called you”. At midnight? Right, that seems like a totally reasonable hour to ask about keys. Flying monkeys will justify any behavior to normalize the narc’s behavior.
After I couldn’t make sense of my reality, I reached out to him with an apology. My conclusion; it must be me. Absolutely nothing else made any logical sense. The narc met me for dinner as I begged him to reconsider the divorce. I can see now my trauma bond was still unidentified and in full effect on my thoughts and emotions. The narc loved the supply I gave him at the Thai restaurant. The same one that he claimed poisoned him and sent him to the ER.
And in dealing with a narcissist, of course, there was something he needed. He also needed me to sign tax papers to save him nearly $50,000.
Pay Up, Narc
To file our 2021 taxes, he wanted to file married: separately. In March when he began the tax process, he was flying high with the cleaning lady, his work girls, and deep into his psychopathic narratives. I couldn’t even meet the tax firm. He said he would “take care of it”. I was on camera, emotionally beaten down to a shell of myself, and consumed with shame, so I let him. In July, his accountant reached out to say if we filed jointly, it would save him nearly $50,000. However, my taxes were already filed. I agreed to amend the filing to help him. Part of my shame was I agreed to this even after he had filed for divorce, claimed he withdrew it, and continued with his daily narc abuse.
I left on Sept 05. We met for dinner the last week of Sept and then he shared he was going to Florida to “clear his head”. In reality, he went to visit Naomi, his new supply. His brother called me a few days later and said he could drive the tax paperwork to me to sign it. I asked, “What makes you think I am going to sign it, he’s not budging on this divorce and decimating my life”. When the narc returned, I met him again on Oct 11th for dinner, and the trauma bond was in full swing again. I apologized, I cried, and I begged for him to reconsider. He said he would think about it. Stringing me along, gaslighting me, and gaining supply. Then he wanted to meet again on Oct 15th. Which is also the tax deadline. He wanted me to come to his house and sign the paperwork. He was nice that night, pretending to listen, to validate, to hoover me back in. He had the tax file stacked on his island with a pen in hand. I told him I wasn’t going to sign it. I said I was unwilling to be a partner and help him do anything without a clear sign that he would reconsider my needs and our marriage. Intuitively, I felt he was using me. I had no desire to help him save $50,000 in taxes. And also, by me not signing and allowing him to file, he was going to be later than the tax deadline with another fee on top of it.
I’m grateful my proposed compromise didn’t work. I’m grateful my intuition spoke louder than the trauma bond and I walked out that night without signing the taxes. What I've learned is, when a narc needs supply, all logic is out the window. Logically, with that amount of money on the line, he should have waited until I signed those papers before filing for divorce. He didn't. Logically, he would have strung me along until I did. He didn't. Why? Because above all else, when the narc needs supply, he will stop at nothing to gain it.
Comments