Narcissists will stop at nothing to humiliate, embarrass, shame, and endlessly perpetuate their lies to boost their own esteem. They need supply. In his case, this is the part of Jen's story that paralleled my own (see previous post Bewilderment). It was initially mind-blowing to hear her tell her story that was so close to mine. Baffled, bewildered, befuddled. This part of Jen's story proves the Narc is so textbook Covert/Vulnerable Narcissist that he indeed, refined his tactics and then put his pattern on repeat in the very next relationship. Mine. This part of the story proves he knew exactly what he was doing to me and his son's group of friends. This part of the story proves he was indeed exploiting a disabled child for his own personal and financial gain. What he did, twice, is a pattern that is pre-meditated, calculated, and absolutely destructive.
In the beginning, he grooms and devalues with jealous "concerns". Next, he will turn up his control with surveillance and listening devices. He will breadcrumb, devalue, and hoover. He will then throw false accusations, narrate the audio with the EXACT same lines of "F*ck me harder" and claim to send the files to the EXACT same forensic detective in Atlanta, GA. He convinces himself that what he has as evidence proves his theory. In my case, he reenacted it. On 3 occasions I walked into the living room to him air-humping the couch with a sheet on the ground because according to him on the audio files, I snapped the sheet to the ground. He will use this as psychological and emotional abuse for months, or in Jen's case, years to follow. I believed it was because he couldn't process his shame from the affair with the cleaning lady the month prior. However, this storyline had been rehearsed. It had been done before. Finally, after the discard, he will have Narc amnesia and pretend as if none of this happened. Only, it did. He has done it twice.
Jen's Experience, in her own words, Part 4
This would become the fateful day of the accusation that would ultimately be the defining point of our relationship. Apparently, he broadcasted to his partners who followed me!
Spring Break 2017: This was still the week we were broken up. He called me that Monday. I was a mess Monday morning at work. I could not hold in my emotions or tears. I came home for lunch and got on my trainer. He called me over lunch. Instantly my mood lifted and the world was right again! He had gone to Fort Lauderdale to look at a catamaran and to stay with his mom in Vero Beach. He texted a couple of pictures of the boat’s mast. He called again Tuesday and then came home Thursday. He came over once back in town and not surprisingly, we ended up in bed. When didn’t that happen? (ugh, he had to have it daily!).
Shortly after this day, the Narc once again came over to my house, stormed in, and asked me, "who is it???”. Called me a liar and told me he couldn’t be with a cheater and a liar. I was left once again dumbfounded in my kitchen crying and devastated. I wrote him a letter that night telling him all the ways I loved him. I took it to his house and put it in his mailbox. I got a letter of my own later that night. In it, he claimed he has evidence and I’m a liar. I had a purple asshole and he knows someone has been f**ing me in the ass. Evidence? At this point, I’m intrigued. What could he possibly have that incriminates me with these hair-brained scenarios? Photos? Please, show me! Of course, there were no photos. Amazingly, we managed to find our way back to each other, again. I was determined to prove myself innocent and no one was allowed to break up with me on account of those accusations!
One day we walked out on the trail and the Narc finally agreed to show me his “evidence.” We got back to his truck and he proceeded to plug a flash drive into the USB port of his sound system. He says “I planted a listening device in your house. On the recording, you are answering the door to let him in. His name is Michael or Micha, and the two of you are having sex. You are telling him to fuck you harder.” The Narc even narrated the “recording” as it happened. He was telling me when I was pleading with my partner for more. I sat there, horrified, disbelieving, and scared for the Narc's sanity, not for myself. I was speechless. There were no voices on the tape. It was all muted, electronic noise that sounded nothing like the Narc's claims. He then proceeded to tell me he sent the tape to be analyzed by an expert in Georgia. He assures me that is me on the tape as I’m getting f*#cked. In fact, he said I have the purple, bruised, stretched asshole to prove it.
How do you respond to this? I honestly don’t remember. Somehow we managed to stay together nearly 3 more years following this incident, although the purple asshole and recording came up countless times, leading to massive angry outbursts from me, unbending, unemotional certainty from the Narc, and questions about both his and my sanity!
I was hell-bent on disproving his stories. I went to the lengths of agreeing he put a security system on my house, including two cameras on the driveway and back door. Let him see no one is coming over, I thought! I have nothing to hide. Unfortunately, my internet was dreadfully slow, and too often the camera would go offline. Never mind it be a technical glitch…no, it was me turning it off when I had something to hide. Of course, it was (sarcastically said!). Nothing I said or did to explain or justify was accepted. In desperation, I suggested I take a lie detector test. It was the only thing I could think of that would prove, once and for all, I wasn’t lying! The Narc agreed to the test and hired some guy from Kansas. We met in a conference room at some hotel along the highway. I was mortified with myself to be going to these lengths to prove myself to a man that is accusing me of such ridiculous, disgusting things! Not to mention, I was embarrassed that some stranger was about to be part of our craziness.
The Narc paid the man something like $300 cash and the man explained the process to us. He hooked up a monitor to my thumb and heart, then asked me mundane questions, asking me to deliberately lie on one to assess my vital signs when I lied. The Narc left the room and the man proceeded to ask me 10 questions the Narc had prepared. All pertained to “men” in my life having sex with me…Matt, Warren, Derrick (more on him later), Michael, Micha, the list goes on. Did someone have anal sex with me? Did someone drive into my driveway? Did I get into the car that night with someone? Have I had sex with anyone besides the Narc since we’ve been together? One question got my heart rate going and even made me laugh and that was the one asking if Matt and I had been in a relationship. The question was asked just about the time it hit me how absurd this was! I was angry and appalled and exasperated all at once. I was worried my reaction would be mistaken as lying, but alas, I passed the damn lie detector test. I remember leaving the hotel feeling justified, yet full of shame and relief. The Narc gave me a long, tight hug in the parking lot. His eyes were glassy, his face was once again drawn, seeming to convey how sorry he was. Of course, this is my interpretation. Who knows what he was really thinking? I thought I felt him trembling, but then again, maybe that was me trembling.
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